Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
