alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
