she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
These tits shall not be calmed
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
