well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
