i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
