I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize