Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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