She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
