I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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