Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
