you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize