im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
