According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
