Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize