I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
