First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
