just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
