PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
