What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
