Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
