dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
