Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
