my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize