I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
