Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
