my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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