i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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