It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
