You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
