I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
