I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
