I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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