I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize