I accidentally had phone sex last night
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
