Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't deserve a penis
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
