Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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