I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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