so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
They are going to name an STD after you.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
