I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
