More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
