You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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