apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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