in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
