If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize