I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
