my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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