do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
