are you so shy because you have an std?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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