Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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