Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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