I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
