what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
