She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
