I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dicks are not precious.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
