So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
