Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize