I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
