fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
