yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
