I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
