My liver just broke up with me...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize