Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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