My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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