I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
