Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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