I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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