I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
