i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
