jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
