If i come over, it means nothing
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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