Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I want to stick my p in your. b.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
