Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're a waste of cheezeits
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
