did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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